FFF: August 3 — AKA “Just Order Your Damn Burger”

Quick Note Made After Drafting This Post…

Friday is burger day in the Food Network Kitchen at my office. Today’s burger special was Greek style. Going “all the way” on said burger includes grilled red onions, feta cheese, tzatzki, and for a dollar more, bacon. The Burger Day bar line is set up assembly line style so guests are allowed to customize their burgers however they want, no questions asked — it’s beautiful. Excited about a big-ass burger with tzatziki sauce, I headed on down around lunch time. The guy ahead of me wanted to customize his burger because he has self-imposed dietary limitations, presumably he’s “low carbin’ it”.

He made a big deal about the bun the burger was on. When the cook asked him if he wanted a bun, the guy replied “Yeah, I’ll take the bun BUT I’M ONLY EATING HALF OF IT!” He then proceeded to “go all the way” with toppings. The cook asked him if he wanted fries and the gentleman barked “No! No fries and I’m not eating rice either!”

There was no rice, just FYI.

Big fucking deal, dude. Get over yourself. In the words of James Smith, dude was being a fucking nob. If you you follow a Paleo diet, Keto diet, low-carb diet, vegetarian diet or no diet at all — just order your damn burger and move on. Don’t be a nob.

Now we’re getting on with what I originally wanted to tell you guys …


Whaddup, Summer?

I left you guys back in May for a while. The last thing I did was share a series of workouts so I’ll assume you’ve been spending the last couple of months getting all ripped and shit. It’s good to see you again – You look awesome 🙂

To be completely honest, I’ve not been getting all ripped and shit. I’ve been working my ass off both at my day job and at the gym to the point that I’ve driven myself to exhaustion. I’ve been stress eating like a mad freak, I haven’t lifted weights in two weeks and I’ve lost about six pounds.

I don’t like it. Nope, no I don’t.

I’ll be going out of town this weekend and I’m hoping to come back with a new motivation, a new focus and a brand new workout program. I’m not-so-secretly also wishing to be visited by the gods while I’m gone. I’m in need of some clarity, y’all.

One thing I know for sure is that I’ve saved up quite a few links for you guys. Let’s get to ’em.

  • The Reason Victims Never Win by Brendan Beaulieu via Norse Fitness
    This has been open in a tab on my computer for weeks. I’ve read it more times than I can count. It’s a reminder that I need regularly yet something I still haven’t been able to fully apply. Your life may be tough but I can guarantee you one thing — humanity has been through far worse than what you’re experiencing. Once you accept that the road of human progression is and always will be full of obstacles you’ll finally be able to focus your energy on destroying not just the evil festering inside you but also the evil that is so pervasive in this world. That’s A+ wisdom right there, y’all. We can all benefit from ridding our lives of the victim mentality and the evil that resides inside us all.

  • Easy Meals I Make at Home in Under 30 Minutes by Juli Bauer via PaleOMG
    Cooking is awesome. And contrary to seemingly popular belief, cooking healthy meals doesn’t have to break the bank or take all day to accomplish. Before you look at these entrees that includes “fried” plantains, jalapeno bratwurst, roasted Brussels sprouts and “fried” cod, please know that these aren’t full recipes but merely photos of finished entrees with brief descriptions of what’s in the photos. It’s also admittedly a big commercial for ButcherBox, Thrive Market, Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s. If you’re distracted by this, however, you’re focusing on the wrong part of the story. This is great inspiration for Paleo-friendly meals that can be made in half an hour.

  • Chocolate Fudge Protein Brownies by Anna Sward of Protein Pow via Bodybuilding.com
    Here we have a super sexy brownie recipe. I haven’t made these but I hope to very soon. We’re looking at super-chocolatey brownies made with some of my favorite ingredients — almond butter, pure pumpkin and protein powder. The macros don’t come out to being super protein heavy like you’d imagine, but these are relatively light in comparison to other brownie recipes.

  • Buffalo Chicken Crust Pizza from Ruled.me
    This is a Keto recipe that’s way easier than it should be — also way tastier. It’s just a buffalo chicken pizza where the crust is made of chicken but when you look at the macros for the dish, you’ll see what makes it so special. I used this as part of my meal plan a couple of weeks ago, only where this recipe makes one pie with 8 theoretical servings, I made 3 pies and made them two servings each. The macros broke down thusly: 688 Calories, 51g fat, 4g carbs, 55g protein.

  • Stop Trying to Change Yourself by Mark Manson

    This may get a little too deep for some of y’all. It’s downright philosophical with a heavy dose of hard love. We’ve all heard it (or said it ourselves): people declaring their desire to change something about themselves. This can be anything — their general attitude about life, their exercise habits, their diets, their routines, etc. And while wanting to do something new or different with a goal in mind isn’t wrong, we can start running into problems when we break this down and think about why we’re doing it. So many times we declare change because we’re unhappy with the person we are, but in reality the “person that we are” is bullshit. I get this a lot especially when I tell people about my 5:45 am class. “I’m not a morning person,” they say but that’s shit. It’s not that they’re not morning people, they’re merely people who choose to not get up early. And that’s okay! It has nothing to do with the “kind” of person they are. The kind of person we are is an abstract concept we merely project onto ourselves, and are therefore limited by. As Mark says, …the quickest way to change yourself is to realize that there’s no real self to change. No self; just self-created limits.

  • Great Talks Most People Have Never Heard by James Clear

    Everybody likes a good motivational speech. Some of us, however, grow tired of the same ol’ speeches with the same ol’ format and same ol’ lessons learned. We’ve heard all the popular ones before and have seen bits of them ripped off and put onto memes all over social media. They start to mean nothing after a while. What James has done here is collect an actively growing list of speeches and talks that aren’t as well known but pack just as much motivational-inspirational heat. These will hit on everything from physical well being to spiritual and career building. Speakers include Neil Gaiman, Steve Jobs, J.K. Rowling and more.

  • Hogweights: House Collection by Flex Comics
    Y’all, these were released today and I’m seriously considering buying one of each. While I closely align with the ideals and attitudes of the Slythergains house, it’s hard to beat Hufflebuff — I mean for real, that’s brilliant.


Music to Get Motivated By

Lately I’ve been keeping an eye on DyingScene.com to catch up on the punk and ska scenes that I’ve fallen away from since falling so far down the black/doom metal rabbit holes over the last year or two. One of the things I’ve noticed is that modern punk SUCKS. It’s really bumming me out. It’s generic, it’s safe and it’s boring. We’re living in a time when even bands that once had balls (I’m looking at you, NOFX) are suddenly apologizing for being offensive (I’m still looking at you, NOFX). I used to get mad when people would say “punk is dead” but due to the current state of the scene, I’m inclined to believe it. I hate being the old guy that spouts off “Back in my day!” every time a shitty modern punk band fails at their job but that’s who I’ve become.

And then I heard Runny.

Runny is a punk band from Brooklyn with two albums under their belt — 2011’s We’ve Come for Your Women (And Some of Your Men) and 2013’s California Uber Phallus. The band has a new album coming out in October called Back on Gack and they’re promoting the upcoming release with this music video for their short scorcher entitled I Don’t Wanna Listen to Trump — an almost direct cover of Mighty High’s song I Don’t Wanna Listen to Yes. It harkens back to a simpler time when it was okay for punk songs to be made of 2-3 lines repeated over and over again for effect.

And it’s glorious. Dig it and proceed to defy the morbidly obese Cheeto living in the White House.

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